I realized there was an issue I needed to address when I scrolled past more than a handful of numbers in my phone for loved ones that have since made the transition from life to death. It is clear that I need to somehow take definitive steps to erase the numbers and the thought of doing so is very unpleasant for me. In fact I have justified keeping the numbers on several occasions because when I notice them I take time to enjoy a fond memory or call another living person who also shares a fond memory of the deceased with me. In fact I never dialed the numbers or anything that evidenced delusional behavior on my part, so this seems like acceptable, coping behavior. Right?
Well I am not sure if it is right or wrong, but now that I am on new phone for the fourth time in eighteen months, it seems a little unsettling that I keep uploading these numbers from the cloud to a new device perfectly aware that I cannot call them. I decided this is some form of emotional baggage, no different than if I had tangible items that I would never pull out to use that I kept hauling from location to location to avoid dealing with letting them go. At some point sweeping the issue under the rug becomes too big to hide. Now is that time. I am going to set a date and possibly say a prayer or two, maybe even journal or write down the names somewhere of all the people I am paying homage to, then one-by-one delete them from my phone without guilt, without remorse, and without drama.
It is time. Thoughts anyone?